Caitlin's dead

Hale's Moon doesn't even have a basic church, let alone a proper Buddhist Alter. Fortunately, an alter doesn't have to be very elaborate to serve its purpose and for me it had only one purpose.

Every year, on the anniversary of her death, I find a shrine and say prayers for Caitlin.

Hale's doesn't have one. So I made one for the occassion, setting the alter up by the fountain in the courtyard. It seemed an appropriate place, and one of the most peaceful spots in town. One advantage to being a mining colony is we had plenty of stone available and the equipment needed to work it into a simple alter.

The sense of loss, and the loneliness that followed Caitlin's death, had been a defining part of my life since the day they told me she'd been killed. A training mission. A simple training mission. A training range where there hadn't been any Independent activity in over two years, and still the Independents killed her in an ambush.

I didn't hate them for what happened. They were just the other side in a war, and a soldier does what they have to. Like me, they were soldiers doing a job. But it didn't make the loss any less. It didn't keep me from walling the rest of the 'Verse outside and becoming very, very, good at what I did.

And every year, I said prayers to her memory.

This year was different. I would never forget her. My first love. My first real loss. But now? Now I wasn't alone. The 'Verse wasn't walled off outside. I'd let the wall down and opened my heart. For the first time, my prayers weren't just to Caitlin's memory. Today I prayed to hope as well. Hope for the future. Sabrina. Imrhien. Lily. The whole 'Verse.

I knew I would repeat the ritual again next year. And prayed hope would be fulfilled.

The alter could stay. The candles would burn down. The inscriptions in the wax lost as they were every year. The alter could serve as a reminder to hope, not loss.