Elements of change

It has been an eventful year. This time last year, I was a different woman. Lost. Lonely. Onna-bugeisha. A weapon without purpose. Walking away from a life I'd been groomed for but didn't want as my own and a distinguished military career I could never talk about. Knowing I would never fully escape either. Such was my fate.

But I had found love. Classic. Tragic. Doomed. Lost before it had a chance. Only to be found by someone who needed me as desperately as I needed her. Strong, and very real, if unexpected. It had broken me out of the shell I'd wrapped myself in since the Indies killed Caitlin. I'd found more out here than I'd ever expected, and the fact that I keep coming back to these thoughts only reinforces how alien they sometimes feel.

I wasn't lonely anymore. 'Brina chased those daemons away. Even with her extended work off-world I didn't feel lonely. But sometimes I still felt Alien.

And now? Right now? Right now I missed 'Brina off world at work. I missed Aurora, off with my family on Ariel. I missed Blue. Why? Who knew. But I'd grown fond of the AI and now I missed him. I missed Imrhien and Duncan, off on MacLaran's Drift. I missed Td, where ever the hell he'd gotten to. I missed Caitlin.

I missed beaches, and snow, and mountains, and oceans, Kobe Beef, good chilled sake, field grown vegetables, paddy grown rice, fresh fruit, real chocolate, Kopi Luac, city streets crowded with people, forests. I missed my sense of purpose.

For Murphy's sake...

Dies ist nicht richtig. Ich glaube, ich brauche meine Implantat zu überprüfen.