Priorities

While Ravish and the Mercenaries had been taking up a disproportionate amount of my time, I'd still been keeping my finger on the pulse of operations in my section. My situation was, to say the least, unusual. Enviable, actually, in many respects, in that I had the freedom to pursue whatever leads I thought relevant with very little oversight and even less accountability. The frustration with the position was having so many possible leads.

There were many places where my leads and interests overlapped, especially where they concerned x0x0, Blue Sun, my girls, the Machines, Blue, and the other AI's, of various levels of sophistication, that were known to exist. The issue was one of prioritization. Was the interaction between AuroraBlue and the Machines more important than Lily's obsessive pursuit of the Ardra AI? How did those priorities compare with the Hardliner, Loyalist, factions still active in Parliament and their machinations in the Rim sectors? There were the corporate operations to consider, with the ongoing interplay between Blue Sun and Umbrella and others. Each had their own agenda and potential long term outcomes.

Earlier in my career, it had been very easy to focus. I had a narrow field of view with a great deal of magnification. What I saw, I saw with perfect clarity. But I only saw a tiny part of a much larger picture. Now, I could see much more of the big picture and had the resources to focus in on any area within my sight. It was actually somewhat daunting. It became a question of prioritizing, since there were many, many, noteworthy happenings within my field of view.

Problem was, I was juts one woman. I could direct some assets into different areas, but which areas?

The easiest choice would be: "That which most directly affects myself and the people I care about." On many levels though, that would be the selfish choice. Easy, to be sure. But selfish. To be honest, part of me wanted to be selfish. I wanted to find a way to give Sabrina and my girls the best life I could. Keep them safe and happy. Not sheltered, as that wouldn't suit any of them, so much as in a position to do what would make them happy. If I could give them that, I'd have succeeded as a Mother and a Mate.

It was a choice I couldn't make. I couldn't take the selfish easy choice, no matter how tempting it might be. I could see too much of the big picture. I could see too many wheels turning, some of which threatened to grind the future to dust. It wasn't in me to stand by and not do something. Especially not when I had the resources, and ability, to do something about it.

But what? It was often easy to upset another's plans. The trick was upsetting them to achieve the outcome you wanted. Which meant considering that upsetting one person's plans would inevitably alter others and cause a whole cascade of change, some of which could be worse than what you were originally dealing with.

It was foolish to act without a plan. And I could not plan without a goal. But I had a goal. Too grand a goal, perhaps. At least for one woman with limited resources. But Buddha help us, I had a goal.

Butterfly wings beat

Wheels within wheels turn

Storm set in motion