Unplanned parenthood and other facts of life

From what I remember, from what I've witnessed, from what I've seen, from what I've read, Motherhood is supposed to follow a somewhat orderly progression. Children grow up in a more or less linear fashion, passing through various stages of maturity as their minds and bodies grow from 'Screaming infant' to 'Surly Teen.' At least that's how it's supposed to work.

For me, motherhood isn't working out that way. I can start with the fact my adopted daughter had four parents, two of whom departed off world shortly after we signed the papers that made us one big unconventional family. At least with regards to our mutually adopted kid. That left me and 'Brina as Lily's remaining parents. Given Sabrina's off-world work load, the parenting falls mostly to me.

Not that I actually mind. I've taken on a lot of responsibilities over the years, but very few have felt as right as taking on legal responsibility for Lily. I'll probably never be a real Mom, at least in the biological sense, and I know that's something I've noted before. I'm not even sure I'd want to be a real mom. While I am, in a lot of ways, "the stable one," I'm also not exactly in a place in my life where raising an infant would be a good plan. It's not being selfish to say that having a child would interfere with my life. While I would, undoubtedly, the fact is that the life I lead isn't really conducive to raising a child from scratch.

That's probably a large part of why adopting Lily was the right thing to do. I'd thought of her as my little sister long before I drew up the paperwork to legally adopt her. Why? That might be the one question I'll never be able to answer.

When I was in the service, helping people wasn't something I really did. There was a period in my life where I classified people into three categories. Asset, Target, and Furniture. Those days were long gone now, and on some fundamental level I think Lily being in my life was the 'Verse giving me a chance to balance my Karma.

Sabrina was the 'Verse's reward for what I'd balanced already.

I could see in Lily both a mother's pride and joy, and her worst nightmare. Case in point. Several, really. With the intellect to rival the best university professor, and a maturity level that fluctuates between that of a five year old and someone in their early teens, depending on context, there are a lot of situations that lead to behaviors that just aren't what you'd expect from a child.

Lily doesn't really understand sexuality. Not at a level that I can actually explain things to her. Never mind her having a child of her own. Lily's not exactly organic, and what semi organic girl bits she does have are subject to dynamic changes. Most of the time, she's got the anatomy of a Brandy doll. But none of that stops her from mimicking some of the behavior she sees other girls doing. Like, say, pole dancing. All the boys, and some of the girls, to be fair, see, is my little Mei Mei on the dance pole moving with a natural grace that I'd be proud of if I moved that well.

Since she doesn't quite comprehend why the menfolk are so mesmerized when they watch her, things sometimes go down paths she shouldn't be taken down just yet. Like lap dancing and kissing.

Perfect example: Other night I'm snuggled in with 'Brina, getting a bit of well deserved intimate time with my wife. Airlock cycles and I hear the familiar sound of my Mei Mei on deck, and a couple moments later she's pouncing on the bed. Barely had time to get a blankie over 'Brina, before Lily's asking if we want a lap dance and explaining that a couple of the menfolk were encouraging her down that path.

Now I remember walking in on my own folks when I was a youngun. Couldn't have been any more than five. And in that moment, she was acting the little girl. 'Cept for the lap dancing and giving me and 'Brina a kiss tat wasn't exactly what you'd expect from a little girl.

Don't think 'Brina found it as amusing as I did. But I remember faintly hearing Lily say "They both loves me" with a happy tone just before she dashed off.

The other 'not what you'd expect from a youngun' from her recently was her cornering the Shepherd and getting herself baptized. Now, I've never followed the Shepherd's path. Nothing wrong with it, mind you, but I was raised with a mix of Buddhism and Shinto traditions. But given how much emphasis Lily's placed on being "A real girl" I can see her wanting the Shepherd to say his words and acknowledge in his church she's got a soul.

I could have told them that.

There's been a ghost in that shell longer than she herself realized. She's been a "Real Girl" as long as I've known her. Just sad that some folk still question that. Shepherd or no. Baptized or no. She's as real as anyone else walking this little slice of Heaven.

That's also the kind of existential question I think every child asks at some point. Maybe she just needed it reinforced that she's as real as I've been telling her she is. Maybe, sometimes, you need to hear it from someone other than your mother. Or big sister.