Thursday, October 25, 2012
Un-planning events
The town hall meetings on Dragon's Egg have changed character over time. While Blue Sun was an original sponsor of the transition from the failed colony on Hale's Moon to the new location on Dragon's Egg, they had originally been somewhat hands off in the dealings. Never mind that many of the "abandoned" facilities we'd "discovered" on the newly opened world belonged to them. Officially they had been one of the contractors along with Ling Standard, Westinghouse, and Weyland Yutani, responsible for finally completing the terra-forming project. No coincidence then that once the colony was established, they would take a more active role.
Except, I really didn't want to live in a Company Town. Even if I had an understanding with the head of said company. The Alliance presence was still there, but the friction had grown between the Alliance officials and the Cerberus Mercenaries to the point where Lionheart was barely willing to set foot on the planet. It didn't help that there was some funny accounting going on where the Alliance was paying their obligations, but the Mercenaries playing rent-a-cop were claiming they weren't getting paid. Bethany had my sympathy, even if it wasn't my problem. Of course, the data was somewhere in the Sea, but I didn't care enough to pull it out.
I'm not sure why Simon decided to announce a date for the wedding at this latest Town Hall meeting. Not many people there, and of those that were, only a few had been there for the original announcement and even fewer probably cared. Worse, I'm not sure why he announced it would be here on Dragon's Egg.
In spite of his protest to the contrary, I couldn't see my parents, or, Buddha forbid, Grandfather, coming out to this frontier world. Let alone a Blue Sun "company world," as it was becoming. I didn't even want to consider what Grandfather's security detail would make of what passed for 'security' on Dragon's Egg. Jet's offer to provide services aside, I had no desire to have he or his people involved in even the slightest way with my wedding. I believe Niki's term for them when last we talked was "Ass Clowns." But then, an ADG pilot was entitled to a low opinion of Mercenaries. Not that I didn't share her opinion.
No, it was almost certain we'd have two ceremonies as I had had before when I married 'Brina: one on Ariel with the family, one out here on the Rim for the people we knew out here. Though that seemed to be a much smaller group than it had been.
That thought brought home how distant I felt here. When I'd arrived on Hale's Moon, they had needed someone with my skills and experience. The situation demanded it. Here? Now? The new colony didn't have any active enemies. Blue Sun and the Alliance were paying the bills for the most part as things ramped up to make the colony self sufficient - if beholden to Blue Sun - and paid mercenaries were taking the place of Hale's home grown militia. They didn't need technical advice. They didn't need me to smuggle in or otherwise acquire vital supplies. They didn't want any sort of leadership. Most of the people I'd known on Hale's Moon and cared about had gone to other worlds, leaving only a handful who still remembered how things had been.
There were still reasons for me to be here, of course. Some of them were deeply personal.
But bring my family out here for a wedding?
No. Not going to happen.
I would sooner hire a liner to take those few people on the Rim I cared about to Ariel, in first class accommodations, and put them up for a week than bring my parents here. We'd have a ceremony out here for those who couldn't, or wouldn't, come coreward for the "real" one. The folks here deserved that much at least. And the party that went with it.
When it happened . . .
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
The one wherein the writers remember the continuity of previous episodes
The Captain of my ELINT boat once walked with me into the big university library on Persephone. IAV Saule Silencieuse was in port for refueling and supplies and he'd asked me to join him there to "show me something."
When we reached the balcony overlook on the third floor of the cavernous seven level building, he paused and asked "What do you see around you, Colonel?"
The library was one of the largest hard-copy repositories in the 'Verse. Row upon row of physical books, backed by an even vaster repository of stored information in the data-stores in the well protected basement. Not to mention the 'antiques' collection that dated back to Earth that Was, kept in an environmentally controlled vault that was even more secure than the data-store.
"Books, Captain. I see books. Many, many, thousands of them."
He looked at me thoughtfully a moment, then smiled faintly and looked back out over the sea of books before going on in his soft, ever-so-formal, voice - "Yes. Books. Fiction. Fact. History. Fantasy. Over two thousand years of Human literature. In these racks you could find the perfect quote to describe every situation. Would you not agree, Colonel?"
I had to wonder where he was going, but I nodded. He was right.
"Now, my Colonel, I present a situation: A Tiger has proposed marriage to a Dragon. The Dragon has not yet decided whether to accept, but somewhere on these shelves is the perfect quote to describe what she feels at the proposition. My challenge to you now is to find that quote."
I looked at him for a long moment, then laughed softly at the obvious reference to my situation with Simon. "I could find a quote easily, I'm sure. But the perfect one? I don't know. I'm not sure I'd know where to start."
"Yes," he replied quietly, matter of factly. "This what we have created, Colonel. Your network. My ship. The knowledge we have gathered is like this library. Vast. Deep. A growing collection of facts and information. But there is more in it than any of us can possibly digest. The analysts and Expert Systems can dive into the depths of the sea of knowledge we are filling, but it is growing increasingly difficult to find that one perfect quote. If you will excuse the metaphor, Colonel."
"I know, Captain. I know. But unlike looking for the perfect quote, I know what I am looking for in this sea we're filling, and I know how to follow the threads when I come across them. I appreciate the metaphor though, and your point. And . . . thank you, Hawke. I appreciate the sentiment." He nodded curtly after a brief pause, then motioned towards the art gallery, continuing the 'tour'.
Whether we were actually 'friends' was hard to judge. Since taking command of Saule Silencieuse, Captain Hawke had proven to be a reliable and superbly competent commander. We hadn't grown exactly close, but we had grown to trust one another professionally. His little tour of the library here was a gentle reminder of the scope of information we'd gathered and an unspoken question as to whether I still had sight of my goals in that vast sea.
I did. He even knew what I was looking for out there. What I was watching. Who I was watching, and why. But as the ocean got broader and deeper, it was becoming more difficult to keep sight of my targets.
Which all came back to me when one of my 'targets' came home - with three beautifully crafted wedding gowns, each in a different style, but all quite flattering and perfectly cut for my rather petite size. After far too long away, again, Simon had decided to come home.
I'd known what he was up to. At least superficially. I knew what all the people I cared about were up to, even if only with the vaguest details. I didn't want to pry into their lives, mostly anyway, but I cared about them. Which meant knowing enough about their situations to assist if they needed it. Sometimes, with Buddha's grace, before they knew they needed it.
Simon had been keeping more direct tabs on my girls than I had. Where I'd been sifting through the vast data streams to see what they were doing, he'd had boots on the ground. More detail, at the expense of less scope. Something I couldn't fault him for. But he'd come home, bringing the gowns and a serious discussion about our actually following through with the statement he'd made at that town hall meeting what seemed like an age ago.
Our 'real world' concerns, about the girls and everything else our lives as Spooks brought us into contact with, were often all-consuming. The interactions between various factions at individual levels, or regional, or even planetary, scaling up to grand "issues" - like the nearly inevitable conflict coming between organic and artificial life.
That was what kept me awake at night. What gave me nightmares when I slept. I'd seen the first inklings of it when I'd recognized Krenshar as a fully sentient artificial system. It had only grown with Blue, and when Imrhien and the secret society she'd been associated with brought to light the von Neumann machines under Hale's and Blackburne. Weaponized versions of a peaceful project, but now fully AI and unequivocally hostile to Organic life.
Simon knew about all of that, even though his focus was on more personal matters. A level of focus I'd let slip in the fast flow of data that had come to surround me. I knew what he was tracking, but I wasn't involved beyond watching from the darkness.
That would change. It would have to.
But the greater surprise was Simon finally asking me to share his bed. It was sincere and seemed to be something he was right needful of. While he promised nothing "improper" would happen, I was actually happy he'd finally come around to at least that. Even if it was just to cuddle for a night - I could live with 'nothing improper.' At least once. It had been a silent sticking point all along. I knew he'd been very proper about such things, where I was anything but. Hell, there were still pictures of Immy and me together on the dance pole at the old Fook Yoo's in circulation. To me sex was something to be done for fun, as well as intimacy and bonding and everything else. But fun was the starting point, and until I knew whether he was any good in bed, or at least could be taught to be good in bed, well. . . I doubted he'd be comfortable with me spending nights with my favored Companion after we were married. At least if the marriage was for anything but our covers.
I'd been waiting though. Even if nothing more than some extensive cuddling happened the first night, it was what I'd been waiting for. One thing, at least. When, exactly, it led to more, was another question. But at least we'd taken that step.
Bodies sharing warmth
A bed far too big for one
About freaking time
Thursday, September 27, 2012
Watcher in the darkness
What have I become?
Since Simon publicly announced at a Town Council meeting that we were getting married, I've found myself retreated from public life. So many changes on the colony surface, and in the social structure, that I barely recognize it even as I watch the world change outside. And Simon . . . dear Simon. I would ask "where have you gone?" but I know where you've gone, even if you don't think I do, or can. I know. I see, sometimes, more than I want to see. But hint: If you want to marry me, you have to actually be around enough for me to accept it'll be the right thing. I think though he knew as well as I that a couple of Spooks will never have a normal life. Let alone a normal life together.
The network, my network, continues to grow. The information comes, is parsed, analyzed, sorted, prioritized, then, sometimes, sold, to pay for the growth of the network. There is more coming in than I can ever absorb myself. I know that. I don't even try. That's what my analysts are for. To pare it down into digestible pieces so I can see into the workings of the 'Verse. Only one or two of my team know, even suspect, really, why I am doing what I'm doing. Blue knows. He sees it all. I'm sure he comprehends it all in the totality as well, even if he won't share his insights.
I trust him. Oddly. Perhaps I have no choice but to trust him. But I do. He's withheld information, or spoken in riddles, but he's never lied to me. He's never hurt me, or anyone I've cared for. He is a friend, even if "he" is an arbitrary pronoun for a being that has no gender, or physical form, and exists entirely in a digital space.
I believe I am on the right course. If I am right . . .
If I am right, and this is not all some grandiose fantasy, I am gently nudging us onto a course that assures our ultimate survival. It won't be an easy journey, or a short one, but it means that everything we have become will continue into a long, long, future.
If I am wrong? There are myriad ways I can be wrong, starting with the initial premise. If I have that wrong, then the reason behind everything I am doing is for naught. The immediate outcome will be beneficial but the long term goal will be irrelevant. There are countless ways, even if I'm right, to screw this up: from simple failure, to being too short sighted, to being stymied by someone with opposing goals.
What of my girls? I watch them. I try and guide and support where I can, but I think I've failed as a mother. Or even as a mother figure. Maybe Haley considers me a good "mother," or at least a good Human. But Beagles are easy to please and she's orders of magnitude easier to be a mother to than my girls.
I don't know how they will turn out. How any of this will turn out. The scope is longer than a human lifetime. Linger than several human lifetimes. I won't live long enough to see it come to fruition, or even to see what my girls become - Buddha willing - but I know there is a reason I do what I do.
Watching.
Alone.
From the darkness.
Watcher in the dark
Cling to a sense of purpose
Hoping I am right
Since Simon publicly announced at a Town Council meeting that we were getting married, I've found myself retreated from public life. So many changes on the colony surface, and in the social structure, that I barely recognize it even as I watch the world change outside. And Simon . . . dear Simon. I would ask "where have you gone?" but I know where you've gone, even if you don't think I do, or can. I know. I see, sometimes, more than I want to see. But hint: If you want to marry me, you have to actually be around enough for me to accept it'll be the right thing. I think though he knew as well as I that a couple of Spooks will never have a normal life. Let alone a normal life together.
The network, my network, continues to grow. The information comes, is parsed, analyzed, sorted, prioritized, then, sometimes, sold, to pay for the growth of the network. There is more coming in than I can ever absorb myself. I know that. I don't even try. That's what my analysts are for. To pare it down into digestible pieces so I can see into the workings of the 'Verse. Only one or two of my team know, even suspect, really, why I am doing what I'm doing. Blue knows. He sees it all. I'm sure he comprehends it all in the totality as well, even if he won't share his insights.
I trust him. Oddly. Perhaps I have no choice but to trust him. But I do. He's withheld information, or spoken in riddles, but he's never lied to me. He's never hurt me, or anyone I've cared for. He is a friend, even if "he" is an arbitrary pronoun for a being that has no gender, or physical form, and exists entirely in a digital space.
I believe I am on the right course. If I am right . . .
If I am right, and this is not all some grandiose fantasy, I am gently nudging us onto a course that assures our ultimate survival. It won't be an easy journey, or a short one, but it means that everything we have become will continue into a long, long, future.
If I am wrong? There are myriad ways I can be wrong, starting with the initial premise. If I have that wrong, then the reason behind everything I am doing is for naught. The immediate outcome will be beneficial but the long term goal will be irrelevant. There are countless ways, even if I'm right, to screw this up: from simple failure, to being too short sighted, to being stymied by someone with opposing goals.
What of my girls? I watch them. I try and guide and support where I can, but I think I've failed as a mother. Or even as a mother figure. Maybe Haley considers me a good "mother," or at least a good Human. But Beagles are easy to please and she's orders of magnitude easier to be a mother to than my girls.
I don't know how they will turn out. How any of this will turn out. The scope is longer than a human lifetime. Linger than several human lifetimes. I won't live long enough to see it come to fruition, or even to see what my girls become - Buddha willing - but I know there is a reason I do what I do.
Watching.
Alone.
From the darkness.
Watcher in the dark
Cling to a sense of purpose
Hoping I am right
Sunday, March 25, 2012
The long flight home
My Matagi, Wave Equation, could make the run from Hale's Moon, well, Dragon's Egg, now, to Ariel in around two days. That was assuming average orbital distances and running at maximum efficient cruise. I could do it faster, but the extra fuel burn wasn't really worth it. Depending on how you set your course and whether you punched in a mid-trip burn, you could do it in a 'Fly in less then a week.
We weren't setting any records for speed on this trip.
Simon had plotted several stops along with way, ostensibly to pick up fresh food and supplies and give Meddie a chance to stretch her legs and see the surface on a few of the worlds along the route. The real reason was to give us more time together to get to actually know each other. Near as I could tell, his mind had been long made up. He wouldn't have braved talking to Grandfather if he wasn't serious. Thing was, I still had misgivings.
When I'd fallen for Caitlin I was, admittedly, young and naive and a bit sexually repressed. Ok. More than a bit. She'd opened my eyes, so to speak, to things I'd barely imagined. When she was killed by an Indie raid the emotional trauma was etched into my being. It left me cold. Ice Queen hadn't been a bad code for me back then. I'd enjoyed physical comfort, but love wasn't something I thought I would, or would even want to, find.
Imrhien changed that. I'd fallen in love with her, and couldn't have her, and it hurt. The kind of pain the old Master's would say was good. If you can feel pain, you know you're alive. And somehow, through her, Sabrina and I found each other. We'd come from wildly different worlds but we'd been a good couple. Good living together. Good in bed. Supportive.
While it lasted.
We'd seen the breakup coming long before it happened, but it hadn't made it any easier. Maybe it had been a mistake in the first place. Our worlds had been very, very, far apart. Not just our backgrounds, but even our professional and political lives. Empathizing with the Independent cause didn't make me a Browncoat. Having friends high in the movement, even today, didn't change the fact that during the War I'd been what I was. "Special Asset: Tactical." There was a lot of blood on my hands and most of it wasn't Reaver.
Simon was . . . different. I'd had male lovers over the years. That wasn't the issue. Never considered marrying one, but that wasn't the issue either. The issue was I wasn't in love with him. I liked him, sure. But I hadn't felt that spark. Either of them, actually. The one that made you smile when you remembered who you were going home to, and the other one you felt when you remembered what you'd be doing after you got home.
Not that I couldn't. Simon was attractive enough, and a good man since we'd been travelling together. Fact was, we knew each other's backgrounds and that was a blessing of sorts. And a curse. With another spook, you never quite knew whether what you perceived in their behavior was real or part of a cover. That we'd talked about being a couple to the outside world to further our covers didn't help. That he hadn't taken me to bed didn't help either. Or maybe it did, on some level. Unless he was Sly. Not that I thought he was, but it would explain him not taking me to bed.
Just wasn't sure this flight would be enough time to fall in love with someone. Not that I actually needed to be in love with him to go through with a wedding. Wouldn't even be breaking with tradition, seeing how a lot of weddings were still arranged and made as much out of obligation as anything else. Some of them even turned into real, loving, successful marriages. Just never thought I'd be in a position to have to make that sort of a choice.
Point of decision
Marry for love or honor
Perhaps not at all?
We weren't setting any records for speed on this trip.
Simon had plotted several stops along with way, ostensibly to pick up fresh food and supplies and give Meddie a chance to stretch her legs and see the surface on a few of the worlds along the route. The real reason was to give us more time together to get to actually know each other. Near as I could tell, his mind had been long made up. He wouldn't have braved talking to Grandfather if he wasn't serious. Thing was, I still had misgivings.
When I'd fallen for Caitlin I was, admittedly, young and naive and a bit sexually repressed. Ok. More than a bit. She'd opened my eyes, so to speak, to things I'd barely imagined. When she was killed by an Indie raid the emotional trauma was etched into my being. It left me cold. Ice Queen hadn't been a bad code for me back then. I'd enjoyed physical comfort, but love wasn't something I thought I would, or would even want to, find.
Imrhien changed that. I'd fallen in love with her, and couldn't have her, and it hurt. The kind of pain the old Master's would say was good. If you can feel pain, you know you're alive. And somehow, through her, Sabrina and I found each other. We'd come from wildly different worlds but we'd been a good couple. Good living together. Good in bed. Supportive.
While it lasted.
We'd seen the breakup coming long before it happened, but it hadn't made it any easier. Maybe it had been a mistake in the first place. Our worlds had been very, very, far apart. Not just our backgrounds, but even our professional and political lives. Empathizing with the Independent cause didn't make me a Browncoat. Having friends high in the movement, even today, didn't change the fact that during the War I'd been what I was. "Special Asset: Tactical." There was a lot of blood on my hands and most of it wasn't Reaver.
Simon was . . . different. I'd had male lovers over the years. That wasn't the issue. Never considered marrying one, but that wasn't the issue either. The issue was I wasn't in love with him. I liked him, sure. But I hadn't felt that spark. Either of them, actually. The one that made you smile when you remembered who you were going home to, and the other one you felt when you remembered what you'd be doing after you got home.
Not that I couldn't. Simon was attractive enough, and a good man since we'd been travelling together. Fact was, we knew each other's backgrounds and that was a blessing of sorts. And a curse. With another spook, you never quite knew whether what you perceived in their behavior was real or part of a cover. That we'd talked about being a couple to the outside world to further our covers didn't help. That he hadn't taken me to bed didn't help either. Or maybe it did, on some level. Unless he was Sly. Not that I thought he was, but it would explain him not taking me to bed.
Just wasn't sure this flight would be enough time to fall in love with someone. Not that I actually needed to be in love with him to go through with a wedding. Wouldn't even be breaking with tradition, seeing how a lot of weddings were still arranged and made as much out of obligation as anything else. Some of them even turned into real, loving, successful marriages. Just never thought I'd be in a position to have to make that sort of a choice.
Point of decision
Marry for love or honor
Perhaps not at all?
Thursday, March 15, 2012
The one wherin the social situation becomes rather more complicated
I was never quite sure whether Simon actually fancied me, or if his wanting to initiate a relationship was part of a very elaborate cover we could both use to professional advantage. He'd said as much once, early on, before he built the farmhouse and I moved in after KHI redeployed the orbital. Our relationship could be just for show, since it would make things a bit easier for our respective covers if we appeared hitched. But he'd also said he loved me. But now? Now I wasn't sure what to think.
After being on an Op for way too long. After dropping so far off the grid that even his network didn't know where he was, and I knew, since I'd jacked it. After an orphan girl shows up on my doorstep at Lily's suggestion. After all that, he comes back. Not just back, but back with news I'm not entirely sure I'm comfortable with.
I knew Sabrina and I would end up with an actual divorce. Wasn't really wanting it, but it was what it was. She'd left. I'd let her. Not an acrimonious ending, but an ending nonetheless. I'd held on to the marriage on the off chance she'd come back. And, if she didn't, I could still say I was married as a way to keep potential suitors at bay. Not that I had any. 'Cept Simon. Wasn't like I was alone every night either. A Registered Companion can work wonders for a mood, as can a friend with benefits. Was part of the understanding. Someone keeping the bed warm when the one you love is half way across the 34 Tauri system doesn't mean you don't love them. Just means you need a little warmth.
What I hadn't expected was Simon to come back to Dragon's Egg with papers from a court way to high to be dealing with divorce settlements, declaring it done and over. All I had to do was confirm and sign. More then that, he had a fancy engagement ring with him and said he'd spoken to my folks to get their approval before he proposed for real. How he'd pulled that off, I wasn't sure. Even if he'd slipped through my net, Mother would have sent me a wave to tell me he'd come. If not, Father certainly would have. Just the thrill of a man taking interest in me would be enough for that. And Grandfather? Simon had connections at least as far up the food chain as mine, which would get him an audience with Grandfather. But him not sending a wave?
Something didn't seem quite right in the whole situation. But I'd figure that out. While I hadn't agreed to marry him, at least not yet, I'd at least agreed to make the flight back to Ariel to see my folks. Bit of a vacation. Sort of. Officially, I had Leave coming and, somehow, Simon'd gotten Tag to authorize me taking an extended leave. Thing was, my other role wasn't really something I could step away from for any length of time. The network was still too tenuous, too fragile, for me to just leave it be. Yes, I had competent people in place. But that didn't mean my rapidly budding network could run itself.
There would be a lot to work out. Wasn't sure I was ready to get hitched. Not so soon after ending it with 'Brina. Not even sure I want to be married to a man, though it'd make Father happy. Much as I love him, chances of me giving him the grandson he wants is pretty slim. Not sure I'm willing to marry someone who hasn't taken me to bed. Tradition or not, there's something to be said for knowing what you're getting in to. Or what's getting in to you, as the case may be. A lot of traditions in the 'Verse, and mucha s he's said he doesn't want to change me I can't see getting hitched before you know if you're compatible in bed. Wouldn't be such an issue if 'no sex afore weddin'' didn't usually come with 'you're expected to not be beddin' anyone else.' May not be an issue, but it was something 'Brina and I'd worked out. Not going to be there to keep the bed warm, it's ok to have someone keep the bed warm. Just so long as you didn't get anything you didn't intend to keep, and it was just a beddin.
We'd have time on the flight though. Why he'd picked an old 'Fly for the trip I didn't know, but we'd have time to sort things out.
Maybe.
After being on an Op for way too long. After dropping so far off the grid that even his network didn't know where he was, and I knew, since I'd jacked it. After an orphan girl shows up on my doorstep at Lily's suggestion. After all that, he comes back. Not just back, but back with news I'm not entirely sure I'm comfortable with.
I knew Sabrina and I would end up with an actual divorce. Wasn't really wanting it, but it was what it was. She'd left. I'd let her. Not an acrimonious ending, but an ending nonetheless. I'd held on to the marriage on the off chance she'd come back. And, if she didn't, I could still say I was married as a way to keep potential suitors at bay. Not that I had any. 'Cept Simon. Wasn't like I was alone every night either. A Registered Companion can work wonders for a mood, as can a friend with benefits. Was part of the understanding. Someone keeping the bed warm when the one you love is half way across the 34 Tauri system doesn't mean you don't love them. Just means you need a little warmth.
What I hadn't expected was Simon to come back to Dragon's Egg with papers from a court way to high to be dealing with divorce settlements, declaring it done and over. All I had to do was confirm and sign. More then that, he had a fancy engagement ring with him and said he'd spoken to my folks to get their approval before he proposed for real. How he'd pulled that off, I wasn't sure. Even if he'd slipped through my net, Mother would have sent me a wave to tell me he'd come. If not, Father certainly would have. Just the thrill of a man taking interest in me would be enough for that. And Grandfather? Simon had connections at least as far up the food chain as mine, which would get him an audience with Grandfather. But him not sending a wave?
Something didn't seem quite right in the whole situation. But I'd figure that out. While I hadn't agreed to marry him, at least not yet, I'd at least agreed to make the flight back to Ariel to see my folks. Bit of a vacation. Sort of. Officially, I had Leave coming and, somehow, Simon'd gotten Tag to authorize me taking an extended leave. Thing was, my other role wasn't really something I could step away from for any length of time. The network was still too tenuous, too fragile, for me to just leave it be. Yes, I had competent people in place. But that didn't mean my rapidly budding network could run itself.
There would be a lot to work out. Wasn't sure I was ready to get hitched. Not so soon after ending it with 'Brina. Not even sure I want to be married to a man, though it'd make Father happy. Much as I love him, chances of me giving him the grandson he wants is pretty slim. Not sure I'm willing to marry someone who hasn't taken me to bed. Tradition or not, there's something to be said for knowing what you're getting in to. Or what's getting in to you, as the case may be. A lot of traditions in the 'Verse, and mucha s he's said he doesn't want to change me I can't see getting hitched before you know if you're compatible in bed. Wouldn't be such an issue if 'no sex afore weddin'' didn't usually come with 'you're expected to not be beddin' anyone else.' May not be an issue, but it was something 'Brina and I'd worked out. Not going to be there to keep the bed warm, it's ok to have someone keep the bed warm. Just so long as you didn't get anything you didn't intend to keep, and it was just a beddin.
We'd have time on the flight though. Why he'd picked an old 'Fly for the trip I didn't know, but we'd have time to sort things out.
Maybe.
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Orphan
I've never been big on failure. An overdeveloped drive towards success has been ingrained into me since childhood. I can blame some of it on my family clinging to parts of traditional Japanese culture that go back centuries before the Exodus, and some of it on my own deep seated desire to live up to my Grandfather's expectations. An individual failure was acceptable if, and only if, one was to face that failure and overcome it. Failure was an option under some circumstances. Giving up was not.
As a Soldier and Spook I had been successful. At least within the definitions of success for the roles I filled. I'd even managed to succeed in managing a small mining colony as their Mayor. Again, within the bounds set by the role. Conditions on Hale's Moon had improved while I was their Mayor, even if everyone hadn't been happy with all of my decisions. That was to be expected too. It was hard to please everyone, but the job hadn't been to keep everyone happy, but to try and keep them alive and maybe bring a little prosperity to an arid little rock in the middle of nowhere.
The only part of my life I look at and see failures is in personal relationships. Losing Caitlin, longer ago than I care to remember now, was the first. I'd had to create a new small alter here on Dragon's Egg at the anniversary since the one on Hale's was, well, gone. I'd tried infrequently since and thought I'd finally found it with Sabrina. But that didn't work either. Even Simon had gone off on a mission and then just dropped off the face of the 'Verse.
All that had worked was the girls. Sort of. My adopted daughters were a whole different sort of relationship. But had that even worked? Lily and AuroraBlue were my girls, but ultimately I didn't seem to have much sway in their lives. An anchor, maybe. One person in the whole 'Verse who didn't want to study them or use them for their own agenda. I just wanted them to be happy and safe and give them some genuine love, and I'm not sure I succeeded on anything but the love part.
Though, now, a new factor was being inserted into the equation.
She goes by Medusa, though I don't rightly know why she'd have that particular mythical namesake. An Orphan who'd somehow gotten caught up with the Companion's Guild, Svetlana and her crew, and then crossed paths with Lily. She was desperate for a real home and a mother figure to provide guidance and Lily thought I'd be just the one.
I knew there were reasons Svetlana couldn't take her on as an actual 'mother' figure, but there was a real question as to whether I would be suitable either. There were a lot of factors in my life that were . . . hidden. Not just my work. But some of my relationships. None of them appropriate for a youngun, not that I couldn't keep them hidden as I had. There would just be this undercurrent of secrecy that she would pick up on and either probe or just learn to deal with.
But, for now, I'd play the Foster Mother role the 'Verse has dropped in my lap. She may stay on a while. She may go back with Svetlana and her crew, or she may go off with Genni Foxtrot and her brood. Regardless, I'd take her in for now. There was a finite possibility that she was a plant to get through to my network, but I was already working back down that angle. Taken at face value, she was a youngun in need. Before Hale's I'd have shrugged and moved on. Not my issue. Now, for better or worse, I'd do what I could.
As a Soldier and Spook I had been successful. At least within the definitions of success for the roles I filled. I'd even managed to succeed in managing a small mining colony as their Mayor. Again, within the bounds set by the role. Conditions on Hale's Moon had improved while I was their Mayor, even if everyone hadn't been happy with all of my decisions. That was to be expected too. It was hard to please everyone, but the job hadn't been to keep everyone happy, but to try and keep them alive and maybe bring a little prosperity to an arid little rock in the middle of nowhere.
The only part of my life I look at and see failures is in personal relationships. Losing Caitlin, longer ago than I care to remember now, was the first. I'd had to create a new small alter here on Dragon's Egg at the anniversary since the one on Hale's was, well, gone. I'd tried infrequently since and thought I'd finally found it with Sabrina. But that didn't work either. Even Simon had gone off on a mission and then just dropped off the face of the 'Verse.
All that had worked was the girls. Sort of. My adopted daughters were a whole different sort of relationship. But had that even worked? Lily and AuroraBlue were my girls, but ultimately I didn't seem to have much sway in their lives. An anchor, maybe. One person in the whole 'Verse who didn't want to study them or use them for their own agenda. I just wanted them to be happy and safe and give them some genuine love, and I'm not sure I succeeded on anything but the love part.
Though, now, a new factor was being inserted into the equation.
She goes by Medusa, though I don't rightly know why she'd have that particular mythical namesake. An Orphan who'd somehow gotten caught up with the Companion's Guild, Svetlana and her crew, and then crossed paths with Lily. She was desperate for a real home and a mother figure to provide guidance and Lily thought I'd be just the one.
I knew there were reasons Svetlana couldn't take her on as an actual 'mother' figure, but there was a real question as to whether I would be suitable either. There were a lot of factors in my life that were . . . hidden. Not just my work. But some of my relationships. None of them appropriate for a youngun, not that I couldn't keep them hidden as I had. There would just be this undercurrent of secrecy that she would pick up on and either probe or just learn to deal with.
But, for now, I'd play the Foster Mother role the 'Verse has dropped in my lap. She may stay on a while. She may go back with Svetlana and her crew, or she may go off with Genni Foxtrot and her brood. Regardless, I'd take her in for now. There was a finite possibility that she was a plant to get through to my network, but I was already working back down that angle. Taken at face value, she was a youngun in need. Before Hale's I'd have shrugged and moved on. Not my issue. Now, for better or worse, I'd do what I could.
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Thinking in the long term
My original degree was in applied technology, though, oddly, my Master's Thesis project was an Expert System I called Nora. Nora grew out of the relatively primitive Expert System I'd been toying with all though my college experience. It was the only way I'd been able to keep up with everything at school and still do my ROT and competitive martial arts. I'd never asked x0x0, but I suspect Blue Man had a similar evolution. Only, where Nora was a reasonably well tuned Expert System that was well suited to my specific needs, Blue had grown to be one of the most advanced, if not the most advanced, AIs in the known 'Verse.
My recent "change of mission," such as it was, had me thinking more about technologies that wouldn't just make the job easier, but would make it possible at all. I'd put a fair bit of time recently into re-tuning Nora to deal with the sheer flood of data that was coming in. IAV Saules Silencieuse was massively capable, but even the dedicated ELINT boat lacked the capacity to process everything we were getting. I'd been working on that issue, adding capacity for both data warehousing and data processing, but it was clear that simply collecting every tidbit of raw data in the Verse wasn't the answer. After all, it only took half an hour randomly parsing Cortex feeds to realize that the vast majority of it was der'mo in its purest form.
There were several approaches I could take to getting the interesting data out of the raw flood. The first, improving my parsing capability, I was already working on. Expert systems backed by some skilled analysts could handle a good chunk of that. But that was ultimately a scaling game. There was always a bigger pipe. The more the network grew, the more raw data we had coming in and it wasn't a linear scale. The second option, which I was also working on, was improved HumInt. Human Intelligence. Boots on the ground. Classic Spycraft. The problem with having field agents was the logistics of having field agents. We were growing, but we were still too small an operation to have many field assets. While I could, and did, tap into a lot of the existing sources for Intel, they weren't specific to my needs. Though, in truth, my "needs" were still somewhat open ended. After all. An information broker could never tell exactly what tidbit of information was going to be important at some point.
And therein lay the rub. There was simply too much information to gather it all, which meant focusing in on the important bits more efficiently than just throwing it all at an AI or Expert System and expecting them to sort it all out. Which ultimately lead to the next option. The most exotic, least predictable, least practical, and hardest to implement. Finding a way to get a Reader in the loop. Someone who could look past the raw information to the truth of the problem.
I'd worked with Readers. They were rare, precious, temperamental, and often only marginally stable. I'd seen more than one project under Alliance control that sought to manipulate a Reader to make them more suitable for covert, overt, or other, operations. And, in each case, the project had failed, usually with disastrous consequences. The hurdles with any sort of wetware project were substantial. Not just from technical perspectives, but from moral and ethical ones as well. Those last two factors were oft overlooked by the kind of folks who usually started those sorts of endeavors.
The difficulties didn't make the idea any less valid though. If a Reader really could see through to the Truth of a situation, then it made logical sense to find a way to employ their abilities. But I could not, and would not, lose site of that carefully chosen word. Employ. Not use. A Reader couldn't be treated like a normal Asset. They couldn't be handled like a resource that was expendable if needed, just weighing the cost benefit ratios between using them or losing them.
I couldn't deny there was a lot of blood on my hands from my years as a Spook, but I would do what I could to try and not add to it. This whole direction, ultimately, was an effort to get a little less blood on the collective hands of the 'Verse. If I actually pursued this beyond the thought experiment stage, I would make absolutely sure that any Readers I worked with were treated like people. They were people. Not Assets.
For now, it was all just a thought experiment. It would be a long term project if it turned out to be doable at all. But, then, all of this was long term.
Sifting through data
Too much for a human mind
Can anyone cope?
My recent "change of mission," such as it was, had me thinking more about technologies that wouldn't just make the job easier, but would make it possible at all. I'd put a fair bit of time recently into re-tuning Nora to deal with the sheer flood of data that was coming in. IAV Saules Silencieuse was massively capable, but even the dedicated ELINT boat lacked the capacity to process everything we were getting. I'd been working on that issue, adding capacity for both data warehousing and data processing, but it was clear that simply collecting every tidbit of raw data in the Verse wasn't the answer. After all, it only took half an hour randomly parsing Cortex feeds to realize that the vast majority of it was der'mo in its purest form.
There were several approaches I could take to getting the interesting data out of the raw flood. The first, improving my parsing capability, I was already working on. Expert systems backed by some skilled analysts could handle a good chunk of that. But that was ultimately a scaling game. There was always a bigger pipe. The more the network grew, the more raw data we had coming in and it wasn't a linear scale. The second option, which I was also working on, was improved HumInt. Human Intelligence. Boots on the ground. Classic Spycraft. The problem with having field agents was the logistics of having field agents. We were growing, but we were still too small an operation to have many field assets. While I could, and did, tap into a lot of the existing sources for Intel, they weren't specific to my needs. Though, in truth, my "needs" were still somewhat open ended. After all. An information broker could never tell exactly what tidbit of information was going to be important at some point.
And therein lay the rub. There was simply too much information to gather it all, which meant focusing in on the important bits more efficiently than just throwing it all at an AI or Expert System and expecting them to sort it all out. Which ultimately lead to the next option. The most exotic, least predictable, least practical, and hardest to implement. Finding a way to get a Reader in the loop. Someone who could look past the raw information to the truth of the problem.
I'd worked with Readers. They were rare, precious, temperamental, and often only marginally stable. I'd seen more than one project under Alliance control that sought to manipulate a Reader to make them more suitable for covert, overt, or other, operations. And, in each case, the project had failed, usually with disastrous consequences. The hurdles with any sort of wetware project were substantial. Not just from technical perspectives, but from moral and ethical ones as well. Those last two factors were oft overlooked by the kind of folks who usually started those sorts of endeavors.
The difficulties didn't make the idea any less valid though. If a Reader really could see through to the Truth of a situation, then it made logical sense to find a way to employ their abilities. But I could not, and would not, lose site of that carefully chosen word. Employ. Not use. A Reader couldn't be treated like a normal Asset. They couldn't be handled like a resource that was expendable if needed, just weighing the cost benefit ratios between using them or losing them.
I couldn't deny there was a lot of blood on my hands from my years as a Spook, but I would do what I could to try and not add to it. This whole direction, ultimately, was an effort to get a little less blood on the collective hands of the 'Verse. If I actually pursued this beyond the thought experiment stage, I would make absolutely sure that any Readers I worked with were treated like people. They were people. Not Assets.
For now, it was all just a thought experiment. It would be a long term project if it turned out to be doable at all. But, then, all of this was long term.
Sifting through data
Too much for a human mind
Can anyone cope?
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